Nothing much happened in my day, and yet things are different. It’s funny how one little idea, one not-thought-through comment can change everything.
Last night it was Friday, and we were both determined not to just let it be like every other night. So we watched a film (and amazingly, both children stayed asleep so that we could!), and then Big Bang Theory (who doesn’t love a little bit of that?)… and then… well with a bowl of cereal in one hand, like all times we have serious discussions it seems, I started talking. In fact, I started talking just as a way to delay going to bed. Except, I was saying Big Things. Like how being a mum consumes me (in a good way) but it does not complete me. Like how I adore them, and love this but it’s not everything for me like it is for some people. And how I don’t just want A Job – I want to do something of significance.
We’ve had these talks before.
We began to talk about me furthering my education (which I would truly love to do), about me being a lecturer… about moving somewhere for me, for that course, for my dreams. And it ignited something in both of us. Honesty. Openness to our reality (that we generally ignore) and to our possibilities. The costs (not just financial) because I’m a mum. The reality that he did a course that he no longer has any interest in, and that cost. How much more will it cost for me? And where? Which course? We’re both hoping for there but it seems so much more possible here, which raises conflicting emotions – we’ve been spending years trying to leave here!
And as we got ready for our morning (Saturday mornings are family time around here) Phil told me that he was dropping me off at a cafe and taking the kids to a park. What divine luxury. What great timing. I sat there and I read, all alone. Bliss. But I did miss them. I missed the chaos that my children bring with them. But I was a very happy girl to sit with a book. I could have been anyone. I felt a bit more like who I used to be. I miss her some days. I miss being artsy and “out there” and passionate about things that other people barely considered.
Since coming home there have been more discussions. About where. About how. About how to make *this* work until then.
So much can sprout from one little idea.