The past few days have been big.

I love weddings. This wedding included a lot of hard work (I was child free for the weekend but the “make it work” woman for at least the Friday until late!) but was the one I have enjoyed the most.

By the time the disco started, I was ready to dance like I meant it.

It was so good to celebrate such great people (although I only truly know the bride, the groom and I are working on it). How beautiful was/is she?

(photo by phil)

It was good to be able to send her back to the B&B to relax, knowing that I could sort the rest out and that she believed I could. It was good to walk down the aisle behind her, and read beautiful poetry for them.

This weekend was full of emotion, but not only the expected ones. Of course there were parts of the ceremony that reminded me of mine (although they were so different!) . . . but there was time to think. There was space.

And there were new people to meet.

I learned so much about myself in those few days – and a lot about my former self.

Interestingly, a blog I read posted something mirroring where I am at, but in her story. Her post is “To 23 Year Old Me”. And it is beautiful.
It made me stop and think about what I’d say to a younger me. Being younger than she is, I’d probably address an earlier stage… perhaps 19? And it wouldn’t be all about motherhood – I had no intention of being a mother then – but there would be similar themes.

These are some gems:

Take it all in.

Let life be your teacher.

Accept all of the possibilities”

here will be good times

but there will also be times when you need to budget and scrimp and go without.

You will cry a lot (you will laugh a lot too – especially when the eldest are teenagers).

You will learn about death and  how that can change the person you thought you were

but you will also find exactly how much love can hurt, through the grief of losing your baby boy

and you will come to appreciate that feeling, that ache more than you can ever imagine.

You will feel despair and anger and sadness

but you will find this all consuming, pure happiness when you can step back and see all that you have.

Eventually you will sort out who you are.

You will be nothing like you are now.

You will unfold into a flower,

one with lots of layered petals – some with extra frills,

some just plain,

others a little burnt at the edges

but when you can stand back and take in the whole picture

you will see that you are perfect just the way you are.”

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