I am capable.
I am strong.
I am intelligent.
If you have seen me in the past 6 months or more, you may have noticed a few things. You may have noticed how I had an excuse for everything – everything was so complicated and too hard. You may have noticed I became more dependent on you and those around me. You may have noticed I was less creative. Less vibrant. Less interested. Less able.
Because believing that I am capable, that I am strong and that I am intelligent are what allow me to live those traits.
Forgetting them was debilitating.
Eden looks like me. In many ways he resembles me. But this morning as I watched my 8 month old happily crawl away from the group into the middle of a massive field of grass and alternately hang out by himself (eating grass) and chasing the older kids I saw echoes of myself. No adventure was too daunting. Staying was what scared me most.
And when I got home from our picnic I realised another thing – a few months ago, a month ago?, you would not have gotten me on that bus with those two kids on my own without a double buggy, to meet those people and experiment skipping naptime by myself. A year ago I would have, but 4 weeks ago I would not have believed that I could.
I can’t afford to forget again.