I have been hiding in my silence. Avoiding really talking to anyone. Because talking would require two things… Me to admit that so much of me is not ok and that I am the only thing standing in the way of being ok.
But these things I know to the very depths of my soul, and not saying them outloud does not keep them from being so very true.
I know the solutions so why am I so paralysed from helping myself?
Eating, sleeping and staring mindlessly at my iPad help me to ignore reality. My children force me to acknowledge it and I find myself resenting them for it. You cannot hide and look after two small children. It is perhaps in them that I will find my salvation.
Self destruction comes so easily. I can escape except for at night. It is in the night that I am haunted.
But maybe my admission can be my first step. I dont want this year to be like the last.
...shye wonder... 